Riverside County Enjoys a Good False Dichotomy (Also, Boats)

FALSE DICHOTOMY (n.) — A fallacy committed when the arguer claims that his conclusion is one of only two options, when in fact there are other possibilities. The arguer then goes on to show that the ‘only other option’ is clearly outrageous, and so his preferred conclusion must be embraced.

In contrast to yesterday’s update, some members of Riverside County are not too keen on speeding up any plastic bag reduction proposals in California (specifically the ban currently being proposed in Palm Springs). A few writers have at least switched tactics to attacking the price and recycling potential of reusable bags, but Riverside Press-Enterprise columnist Bob Pratte has apparently decided to keep things old-school with the false dichotomy: reducing plastic bag production must be outrageous because paper bags are worse.

I think plastic bags have been badly maligned. True, they take precious petroleum to produce, foul waterways and snag wild creatures, but their paper cousins have faults too. Heavy equipment used to log trees burns fuel. Paper plants create stinky pollution.

Not just any pollution, my friends: stinky pollution! Actually I suppose that would be a great point if anyone had happened to be arguing in favor of some sort of paper bag revolution, instead of trying to reduce pollution in various forms and just going after the most obvious and prevalent first? Who knows. Anyway, Pratte throws in a couple of paragraphs about donating food to the poor and homeless in plastic bags for good measure, but overall he seemed the most concerned about fitting in a mention that BOB PRATTE JUST BOUGHT A TOTALLY SWEET SAILBOAT.

Most importantly, plastic bags play a vital role on Mango Mango, our Corona-built sailboat that I bought from someone who won her on the “Price is Right.” The bags on board make handy receptacles for empty plastic water bottles and soft-drink and beer cans (but never glass bottles on a boat). I stow dozens of bags in a handy, long cloth tube with its openings at both ends cinched with elastic.

Before I cast off the dock lines, I hang a bag inside the cabin. When I return to the dock, I carry the bag up to a recycling container and dump in the cans and empty water bottles. If they’re not too mucky, I reuse the bags again.

Plastic bags help me recycle. They can be reused, unlike fragile paper bags. Instead of banning plastic bags, the city of Palm Springs should encourage their use — over and over and over.

Oh hey, bro! I was totally behind pollution reduction laws, but that was before I knew that plastic bags play a vital role on Mango Mango! How could we all have been so blind? Obviously, what with payments on your bitchen sailboat and all, you wouldn’t have any money left over to pick up the slack with garbage bags as needed (and no, the waste does NOT come out equal, let’s nip that argument in the bud) or, better still, cloth duffel bags that can be emptied and — wait for it — washed for reuse? (Because, seriously: how many times can a disposable plastic bag be reused before its inevitable stretching and tearing death? Twice? Three times? And, of course, that’s barring “muckiness.”) No, if Mango Mango demands plastic bags, then plastic bags are what Mango Mango shall have, and anything short would be an affront to Bob Barker. I’m glad that’s all cleared up, what a relief.

Wait, no. That is ridiculous and a horrible conclusion. Mr. Platte, I do concur that a solution should be found for passing out food at food banks and homeless shelters (a BETTER solution, but still). That said, perhaps making that the focus of your article, rather than an afterthought, might have had more profound impact toward making your point than building your centerpiece around Mango Mango. Although, congratulations on your sailboat, I guess. I’m sure it’s a pretty tasty boat. Next time, post pictures.

Photo via Flickr!

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008 at 11:03 am and is filed under The Daily. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.